Are you sick of winter weather? While snow and ice may be a winter wonderland for some people, most people, especially those in the North, are constantly plagued with driveways that they have to shovel and windshields that they have to scrape. Even in the South, where freak ice storms and snow may occur sometimes, this is a problem. For those people who can't afford generators, or can't use them, power outages that may last for days can occur, leaving them without the ability to watch TV or keep frozen food.
So what must people do to deal with what can become a frozen nightmare? Ice scrapers are abrasive to car surfaces, and all of that intense scraping can lead to advanced cases of tendonitis and carpal tunnel syndrome. Snow shovels require you to do hard labor repeatedly in the cold weather, which could be dangerous to your health, and the snow will come right back the next day. However, there is a new product available from the development labs at Products from the Realm of Kinoko Otoko™. It's called the WINTER ELIMINATOR.
That's right. With our handy new product, your winter problems are solved. Our Winter Eliminator is non-abrasive to surfaces, and if used correctly, it won't damage your driveway or other snow-covered areas. We have fashioned the Winter Eliminator after the drip torches used by forestry services around the country. Our product is then filled with a very flammable substance that is similar to napalm. The substance includes kerosene, along with several other secret additives that are in the end stages of testing for consumer use. With our patented ignition system, the fuel inside passes through a special tube that heats up to temperatures ranging from 1400-1600º C. The fuel inside is ignited in less than .0026 seconds as it flows out of the spout at the end, producing what is, more or less, liquid fire. This liquid fire can be poured onto any frozen or snow covered surface, and even the thickest ice will melt within seconds. After the ice or snow is melted, any non-flammable object may be used to smother out the fire.
Do not use without proper fire proof gear. Do not use anywhere near painted surfaces, or anything else that may be damaged by fire. Do not use on any person or animal, and keep away from any plants or other organic objects. Temperatures created through the use of this product are hot enough to burn through skin, and this product must not be allowed to touch skin without having been left to cool off for 36 hours. If fuel leakage becomes apparent, discontinue use until it is repaired or replaced. Use of this product indoors isn't recommended, unless you have proper ventilation. Product has been known to burn clothes and singe skin if held less than 10 feet away from the body. If left to burn after ice or snow has melted, fire created by this product may ignite nearby flammable objects within seconds. Product may or may not be illegal, and may not have been approved by any third-party laboratories.
A picture of our remarkable product!