Throughout the years, Mario has gradually gained fame by defeating a slew of enemies in order to save the "damsel in distress". He has starred in dozens of games, the first being a game in which he saved a young woman from the perils of a giant, barrel-wielding gorilla by the name of Donkey Kong. He has since starred in many other games, most of which involved him saving either Princess Toadstool (Peach), or other helpless folk from the evils of such characters as Bowser, the "Koopa Kids" and Cackletta. Even his brother, Luigi, has joined him in a number of games. We've seen him go from breaking bricks, to jumping through pictures, to driving go-karts and playing golf and tennis. Nearly everyone has grown to know and love Nintendo's famous Italian plumber, yet there is still one question that hasn't been clearly enough answered: Why, exactly, is he a plumber?

I decided to investigate this matter by journeying to the American town of Brooklyn, where Mario lived before being transported to the Mushroom Kingdom1. After asking around, I found a small pizza restaurant in Brooklyn, where I asked the owner of his knowledge of Mario. He was reluctant to give out any information, for fear of a sudden media interest, and told me to simply call him "Joe". After much coaxing, "Joe" told me that his father had hired Mario in his late 'teens as a part-time pizza cook. He soon became frustrated after Mario began eating all the mushrooms he had in stock, and burning the pizza with his "fireballs". "Joe"'s father transferred Mario to pizza delivery, where his ability to run fast helped him get the pizza to customers much faster than the other delivery men. After several complaints by these other employees, "Joe"'s father had no choice but to fire Mario.

After several employment rejections, Mario found a job at a local construction site as a carpenter. I decided to contact the construction agency, but they wouldn't disclose any information, so I continued to ask around. I remembered that Mario once had a girlfriend named Pauline, and I decided to track her down. She refused to talk to me, but I managed to find her mother, who was currently residing at a local nursing home. After convincing the woman that I was not her nephew, who she told me never called her, she agreed to tell me a little about Mario and her daughter, but instisted that I keep her as anonymous as possible. She told me that after Mario got the job as a carpenter, he settled down with Pauline, and the two led a relatively calm life in a nearby apartment building. However, this calm was to be shattered as an escaped gorilla named Donkey Kong grabbed Mario's girlfriend as she was coming home from her job as a waitress. Donkey Kong climbed several steel girders and held Pauline hostage. Mario came as soon as he heard the police sirens, and Donkey Kong taunted him with barrels until he rescued Pauline. After the ordeal, Pauline decided that she and Mario should see other people, and Mario quit his job as a carpenter because of the break-up. He became so distraught over the following weeks that he lost his apartment and spent his days in the park, stepping on turtles because he was in such a fragile state of mind. After police arrested him for animal cruelty, he began to turn his life around. When he paid the fine for his reptile slaughtering, he began applying for jobs, but continuously, he was rejected. The only available job left was that of a plumber, and since Mario had no means of income, he took it. Soon, his brother Luigi, who had fallen on hard times after failing as a janitor, applied for a job as a plumber also, figuring if Mario could do it, then he could too.

Thus, the reasoning behind Mario's choice of becoming a plumber is simply because of his lack of secretarial skills, and his ability to do manual labor. Though had he obtained any sort of qualifications for another job, such as a garbage man or a bank teller, then we would never have known such a gaming icon as Mario.

-Kinoko Otoko

1 Not affiliated with Kinoko Otoko's Kingdom.

©Mario, Donkey Kong, and all other Nintendo trademarks are copyrights of Nintendo.