Are you constantly picked on, humiliated, tortured, or given grief everyday of your life? Do people insult you, mock you, or publicly humiliate you on a daily basis? Have you given up hope?

WELL FEAR NO MORE! With our amazing new product, you don't have to constantly look over your shoulder, afraid that the neighborhood bully is going to humiliate you again. What product is this you say? I'M GETTING TO IT! (Jeez, these kids today with their impatience, why, back in my day..) ahem...Anyway, This product has been renowned the world over as maybe the best product man has ever known. It's none other than....THE AMAZING KILLER OCTOPUS IN A CAN! That's right, it's your very own Killer Octopus In A Can! Now you don't have to take...stuff...off of anybody! If anybody gives you a problem, open up your Killer Octopus In A Can and let 'em have it!

So, you're probably asking youself, where can I get one of these things? How much are they? Are they safe to use around my pets? Well, here's the answers to your questions in this order: The Grocery Store in the Bloodthirsty Kalimari aisle, $13.95, and only if you want to see Fluffy or Spot writhing in pain on the carpet...it's hard to get that out too. But you're probably still wondering how it works, aren't you? Well, each Killer Octopus In A Can is a 100% steel can packed with an octopus inside. But not just any octopus, oh no! These ones are specially bred to be born killers, often trained in brutal fighting pits, then outfitted with special razor sharp claws, one for each tentacle, and a set of steel, razor sharp teeth. Each one is then starved until it's raving mad and then sealed in an airtight can where it stays perfectly dormant until you open it up, releasing havoc and chaos on your unsuspecting foe. Each Killer Octopus In A Can comes in an economy size can for quick usage, and each one is reusable. Buy one for the office, for your car, for your house, even one for when you visit your in-laws!

(The Killer Octopus In A Can also works on annoying exes, in-laws, bosses, co-workers, that smelly old man who always looks at you funny with his goofy eye and rancid beer breath, the rude person in the theater who blocks your view of the movie, that kid who's always throwing rocks at you, your grandmother, or anybody else you want to teach a lesson to.)

The Killer Octopus In A Can is made from 100% Biodegradable Killer Octopus. No Additives or Preservatives. We are not responsible for any consequences due to the use of this product. It is not endorsed or approved of by the FDA, the FCC, the FBI, the EPA, or any other government organization.(This advertisement is fake, that's right, it's not real. If it were real, then the world would be a better place. Oh well, I guess stun guns and mace will have to do. Sigh.)

Thank You!