What is the most terrible problem we face as humans today? The terrible disease that causes balding in canned goods known as Baldeius Canaeus. This disease affects 14 million canned goods a day, and is caused by the unusually high creamed rubber count in canned goods these days.

In order to get rid of this disease, we must destroy the hairless meatball geese of northwest Tibet. Only by eradicating their various nests and creamed rubber-rich letter openers can we help stop the balding of canned goods. So with the help of you, we can eradicate the hairless meatball geese by blasting them with flaming ice cube missiles and spraying their nests and letter openers with lactose intolerant cows and end this horrible, tragic disease for canned goods everywhere.

Thank you.

-Kinoko Otoko