I'm here to warn you about the dangers of buttered toast. That's right, folks, just like the rapping shrew tells us, there's no fun in the wonders of buttered toast. Here, read this to see:

In the beginning...

There was bread. Well, more like grain. It swayed in the breeze in far off fields untouched by human hands. Its golden goodness blessed the land with swaying sunlight. One day, humans, with their random bursts of knowledge, figured out how to harvest this, cut off the seeds, grind them into bread, and eat it. It went on like this forever. When they tried to cook the bread, it only burnt. So things were fine.

Later on...

People lived in happiness putting all sorts of toppings on this bread. They had butter, but this was not toasted bread, so all was well. Then, a few intellectual scientific monks working in a laboratory found that they could toast the bread. The news spread like wildfire throughout the lands, and when the fire was finally put out, people began learning about this brand new technique. All was sort of well, yet not really. Oh well, it was causing no harm at the time right?

A time just before the present...

Everyone in the land began inventing new toppings and stuff for this toast. They even inducted it into the group known as "Breakfast Meal Items." The Earl of Sandwich had just invented the sandwich, and everyone was in bread ecstasy. Then it happened. One day, some idiot gets the thought of putting butter on bread, and it becomes a national hit.

The present...

Nowadays, sliced bread has taken over as the best thing in food, well, so they say anyway. Buttered toast is popular all over, and is known in just about every home and breakfast selling eating establishment in the country. The buttered toast looks innocent, but don't let if fool you. When you eat it, it is "fixing" your digestive system to go along with its master plan.

The grim future...

It's the year 2176. Buttered toast runs all the nations in the world. Humans are made into all sorts of slaves and stuff like that for the buttered toast to get a kick out of as it tortures the human(s) in its possession. All buttered toasts of the world control humans by the chip implanted in their digestive systems. All human accomplishments are used to store the waste of buttered toast, and sadly, this is where many humans are forced to live and stay when they're not working. The human race soon dies off and buttered toast becomes the dominant species.

The plan...

If we replace buttered toast with butter-flavored powdered toast, perhaps we can change our dismal future into a bright and happy one.

By: Kinoko Otoko