With the economic failings of both the country and the world, it's tough to know what do with your money. There are plenty of economists and there's loads of financial advice out there. However, who can you really believe or trust, especially when many of those people are the ones that invested your money in failed market strategies?

That's where I've come up with a method that does away with all the risky investing in credit and the like. It's a simple system to follow. It's called the "Kinoko Investing Guarantee," and it's brought to you by the Kinoko Corporate Investment Firm™. Basically, you take an amount of money that you can afford to part with. The larger the amount, the more money that you won't have to leave in the hands of those people who have squandered it away in greed. Then, you invest that money with me.

Now, you're thinking "What's to stop you from doing what so many lenders and untrustworthy stock market folk have done, and invest it in something risky and unprofitable?" Well, that's easy enough. When you invest your money, you'll be entering into a binding contract with me. It will be stipulated in this contract that, by law, I will not be allowed to invest your money in anything. That means no stock market, no money markets, no loans, no mortgages, no credit, nothing. Nichts. This money will sit in my bank account, and will be spent on things that have a definite, fixed monetary value, within the retail market that we all know and trust.

So how does this benefit you? After all, what if you lose this money, and have to face the bitterness and humiliation of poverty? Well the thing is, you won't technically "lose" the money, as you'll never have had it in the first place. By taking the money from you, I'm freeing you of any and all financial responsibilities or liabilities tied to the amount you give me. You won't have to worry about budgeting anymore. I'll make all the tough decisions about what to do with this money. Interest rates? Not even a problem. I'll never charge you any interest. And that's a guarantee.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Not one bit. It's perfectly easy to understand and accomplish, and you don't need to invest any set amount of money. This way, when you invest your money, you can be sure it isn't being put into any risky or foolish ventures that are bound to reflect negatively on you and your credit history at any future date. So why am I offering to help you, especially in these tough economic times when helping anyone with their money is something to be avoided like the plague? It's because I believe in our economy, and our society, and someone has to do something. Therefore, why not me?

So remember: Invest your money in the Kinoko Corporate Investment Firm™. We're honest, and we'll spend your money so you don't have to!

Kinoko Corporate Investment Firm™ is a trademark of the Kinoko Otoko Corporation.